Thinking Out Loud…Can It Hurt or Help?

As I stood in the middle of the road next to my car that wouldn’t start, in 100 degree weather, I was glad to know that my husband had not left for work yet.  I called him with despair in my voice and told him that my steering went out, the check engine light was on and I was in the middle of the street in front of the Stockton courthouse with police cars all around me.  Trying not to freak out I asked him to come and get me, so we could figure out what to do next.  How were we going to get my car back home or to an auto shop?

My husband’s first words were, “I have to be to work in less than an hour”. I didn’t say a word, yet my mind was very busy talking to me….”I’m not important! He’s going to leave me here to figure this out by myself.  My husband doesn’t care about me.  I am stranded here in this heat.  He doesn’t love me anymore….” and on and on it went.  It is in these kind of situations that the professional, self sufficient woman that I am, instantly turns into the scared little girl without my conscious awareness.

Later that day when my car was in the auto shop, I was able to verbalize how his comment made me feel.  I explained the thoughts that went thru my head when he seemed to be more concerned about when he needed to get to work, than my current situation.  That is when we both realized that we THINK OUT LOUD, without realizing that we are speaking to someone on the other side of those words.  He assured me that he was thinking about how much time he had to come find me in an unfamiliar city, knowing he also had to call into work so that someone could take over his class (so the girls still got their gymnastic lessons) and what his plan of action was to get my car running again.

In our conversation I had an ‘aha’ moment and recalled times when I was THINKING OUT LOUD but came across to him as though I was nagging at him.

We all think out loud to ourselves now and then.  Do you also do that when others are present and they think you are talking to them?  Can you recall times when you were thinking out loud and it sent a message to someone you love that was not the meaning you were trying to convey?

Having an awareness of that little voice, whether in our heads or sometimes out loud, is the first step in being able to change it, have better communication and as a result – better relationships and a wonderful life.

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  1. Gurpreet Kaur July 21, 2011 at 9:50 pm #

    OMG… Victoria, I’m sure a lot of us can relate to this situation of thinking out loud, especially when dealing with our spouse! Great post on bringing awareness to our thought process.

  2. Maile Collmer July 21, 2011 at 9:58 pm #

    I immediately thought of a situation where I “thought out loud”. Sometimes I come across more intense than how I really am, so I do have to be careful. I tried to make up for my blunt “thinking out loud” but I’m not sure if it’s totally smoothed over. It’s hard not to think out loud. With communication it’s important to listen to what is meant, not just what the word were.

    • Victoria Buckmann August 1, 2011 at 10:14 pm #

      Yes, me too. Sometimes I am so blunt! My hubby lets me know though…LOL.

  3. Hazel July 23, 2011 at 6:22 am #

    The part about your mind talking to you… I do that all the time!!!!!! And I have to remind myself that the “drama” is all in my head and it’s not really happening.

    • Victoria Buckmann August 1, 2011 at 10:15 pm #

      Great reminder! Thanks Hazel.

  4. Kellie Townsend August 3, 2011 at 12:29 am #

    Wow, so true! I am going to pay attention to this absent-minded communication a little more carefully.

    • Victoria Buckmann August 3, 2011 at 3:08 am #

      Yes not a bad idea for all of us, thanks Kellie.

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